by Janet Paschal

LOVE AND LOSS

I’m sure someone warned me about one of the sadder consequences of aging: that you face loss upon loss, frequent goodbyes, and states of “missing” that leave you feeling dismantled, unclear, and strangely numb.

We lost our mom slowly, as the thief of dementia stripped away her memories and her understanding, leaving only her quick, easy smile, and a look of confusion that haunts me still. She met Jesus on my birthday in 2023, a gift that I treasure, knowing that He could have chosen any other day. 

I think we all assumed that time would soon begin to erase the vacancy, the grief, but, sadly, the emptiness and the “missing” seems even more acute now than before. Some days I wish for just one more conversation with her, one more time to see her laugh uncontrollably, one more opportunity to tell her how special I think she is. I trust God’s will and His timing completely, but some days I just long to see her.

Last year, one of my best friends of more than forty-two years was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Miraculously, she stayed here for more than a year, but she is weary now, and she wants to be free of paralyzing pain. She will not likely see another August. 

Reverend Jimmy Swaggart (Brother Swaggart to me) was a sort of hero to our family. He was someone from our denomination who moved the Pentecostal church from across the railroad tracks to the frontlines, and into the greatest stadiums and arenas around the world. His anointed music and preaching spoke to people of all denominations.

In March, he celebrated his 90th birthday in Baton Rouge with lots of friends and family. This morning he met Jesus. Sadly, the world already feels different without him. 

Knowing that it could be painful, Jesus chose to love us. He signed on to share our emptiness. He stepped up, knowing that He would wrap Himself in our loneliness and disappointment. He knew that He would be wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities.

Jesus understood that love was costly, but He also knew that love was the only thing worth dying for. 

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17 Comments

  1. Unknown's avatar

    My precious Janet,

    Thos post hits home on soany levels. Mom and I used to listen to Brother Swaggart. One of mom’s favorite sayings was “Ol brother Swaggart and that piano have such a relationship!” She had all of his music and even got a Jimmy Swaggart Bible (that thing was a brick!)

    I didn’t know about your sweet mom. I’m so incredibly sorry. I walk the Alzheimer’s walk daily as my Father-in-law lives with its intense grip.

    Just yesterday, we brought my sweet mother-in-law home on hospice. She’s weary and tired from all of her ailments. She talks of Heaven often.

    Loss, it’s hard. Oh how sweet Heaven must be. Bathing you in prayer my sweet friend and sending you a long distance hug.

    Love and prayers,

    Alicia Roark

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    2. Unknown's avatar

      Very deep and heartfelt article about losing loved ones. The people that were mentioned are irreplaceable but at least we know that we will see them again in Heaven.

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  2. Unknown's avatar

    Beautifully written Janet. So heartfelt. I understand exactly what you are saying. My father died when I was 8 (that was a long time ago ha ha) but for some reason this last Father’s Day I missed him more than ever. But Jesus! So thankful for his love. Thank you for your words!

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  4. Unknown's avatar

    In the autumn of 1987, I arrived in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, to attend Jimmy Swaggart Bible College, my heart alight with anticipation, dreams, and hope for the journey ahead. During my time there, I was blessed to meet Reverend Jimmy Swaggart on several occasions, each encounter marked by his warmth and gracious spirit, a testament to the ministry that touched countless hearts worldwide. Equally memorable was the privilege of meeting Janet Paschal, first at the college clinic as she prepared for an overseas crusade, and later at her many concerts. Always gracious in speaking with fans. The light of Christ shining brightly on her face. 

    In recent times, my family has walked a shadowed path, bearing the weight of profound loss—our beloved father and grandmother taken by cancer, and a young nephew in a tragic accident. These sorrows have left us with questions that may find answers only when we cross life’s river. 

    Thank you Janet. Thank you Bro. Swaggart. And thank you Heavenly Father, for though we see so dimly now, one day we will see Him as He is. Oh what a day that will be. 

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  5. Unknown's avatar

    I thought of you when I heard the news yesterday about Brother Swaggart. How much sweeter Heaven is knowing these faithful saints have gone before us!  Praying for your friend with pancreatic cancer. I know of two people in my church dealing with that as well. Another good friend of mine just had her thyroid removed due to cancer. They are pretty sure they got it all but she won’t know for sure until they do a scan in a few weeks. She’s an anointed worship leader and her vocal cords haven’t completely healed so she’s a bit frustrated about that. Would appreciate prayers for her. Her name is Traci. 🙏🏻

    Teresa ❤️

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  6. Unknown's avatar

    Janet,

    You wrote such a lovely and moving tribute to your loved ones who have now gone on before us. Thank you so much for ministering to all of us in your grief.

    David

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  7. Unknown's avatar

    Thanks for that Janet..you said it so well..whether it’s knowing the goodbyes are soon approaching or the unexpected happens and you have a hard time of even wrapping your mind around it. My Gramps lost the love of his life in 2018 and he still weaps often. One thing he has stated: “Honey, if you truly love, the hurt is gonna feel too great to bear”..I totally understand that..💚

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